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International Journal of Servant-Leadership

R. JohnFollow

Abstract

The presence of a committed alcoholic/addict in the midst of a family has a profound effect on the family's structure and dynamic. Over time in such an environment, a web of frustration, disappointment, shattered hope, bitter resentment, unmet expectations, and mutually debilitating codependency is woven, enmeshing equally the alcoholic and his loved ones. This pattern is nearly universal, and yet many if not most alcoholics proceed for years thinking that it does not apply to them. I was no different. For fifteen years, from my first drink at age fifteen until my last at age thirty, my progressive alcoholism was a continuing source of chaos and discord not only for me but within the lives of all those who love me. My journey through recovery has been one of stages; from awareness of my problem, to acceptance of its stark reality, to dawning understanding of its huge scope, to powerful desire to get help, to full-blown metanoia catalyzed by a bona fide spiritual experience, to a sustained commitment to living according to the principles laid out in the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (Alcoholics Anonymous, 2001, pp. 59-60). Along the way, there have been many opportunities to be a participant in the life-restoring process of both forgiving and being forgiven. In this essay, I will explore some of the damage caused by my alcoholism and addiction, followed by an examination of the restorative power wrought by the applied solution of the Twelve Steps, with a particular focus on the sponsorship relationship and the Step Nine amends-making process (Alcoholics Anonymous, 2001, pp. 76-84) and their resonance with the ideas of Robert Greenleaf. As a part of this examination, I will explore the forgiveness dialogue that took place with my father during the Ninth Step process as a representative example of the regenerative power forgiveness asking can bestow.

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